Out of Character
by thenamelessdan
Summary: After a bout of inexplicable behavior, Dr. Cameron finds herself faced with a consequence she can’t handle alone. Two part Chapter 3 up
1. 1 Announcement

"Out of character"

Chapter 1 "Announcement"

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House or any of it characters, House and all it characters are property of there rightful owners. With that out of the way I sure Fox's legal team can find something better to do with their time.

**Possible spoilers** for any episodes up to "Clueless"

**Rated:** T there that bad in this chapter just some of themes but it might be bumped to M later on.

**Author's note:** This is my first fan-fic so I'm not expecting much in the way of stiller reviews. No need to flame how ever. The original idea for this was a humor fic, based around Carmon doing something out of her usually naive little girl persona (i.e. meth Cam in "Hunting", threesome comment in this weeks "Clueless".)hence the title but some how it lost most of the humor and become a general House fic. Anyway, on with the train wreck…I mean fanfic:

"I can't do this, I..I can't"

Allison Cameron mumbled to herself as she paced up and down the halls of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. It has been years since she felt this scared, not since she watched her husband die had she been this nervous, not since watching her self become a widow has she felt this sick feeling inside of her stomach. "I can't do this" she continued to mumble to herself.

Her bizarre walking patterns had not gone unnoticed; the nurse's station was looking at the young immunologist with a mixture of fear and confusion. "You known the Psych ward is understaffed, the last thing they need is a new patient with the letters M.D at the end of their name". Said one of the nurses watching the spectacle "Ya…especially if those symptoms can be traced backed to a certain other M.D. working at this hospital." added a second nurse, throwing a gesture towards the door of the department of diagnostic medicine.

The nurse's station never did fully grasp the concept of a whisper, Allison had heard every word they said and want nothing more then to run out the door. "How did a get myself into this?" she said under her breath, desperately trying to restrain her emotions. Silently she noted that the nurses might not have been too far off when they said House was the cause of her symptoms, but the problem definitely wasn't in her head. Allison clinched her teeth, as she heard the next words out of the nurse mouths "Susan's got Cameron on the tenth" "It's just that stupid "sanity bet" of theirs" Allison hissed under her breath, referring to the nurse's long running wager on who House would drive over the edge first and when.

It was at this point that Dr Gregory House himself peaked over the edge of his gameboy, and discovered the bizarre spectacle occurring outside his office. His eyes slowly moving back and for across the horizon, never fully taking his eyes off his gameboy,-after all it had taken him a long time to get to this level.

"I wonder where Carmon is" asked Dr. Chase as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"She not normally late… she's has been acting a little off lately you think something is wrong with her." Responded Dr. Forman.

"Turn around" House mumbled

Chase and Foreman did as he House told them to, and turned to see the lovely figure of Alison Carmon walking down the hallway leading to House's office.

"Here she comes must have had" began Dr Chase pausing as he saw the young doctor walk straight pass the door of the office. "Ok, she must have some short of meeting with Cuddy or"…pausing a second time as he realized Cameron was retracing her steps.

"Is she just… pacing around?" asked Chase in a confused tone.

"Well… let see she's walking on the same path over and over and over, I think that's the definition of pacing, but what do I know, hey maybe she's having sex…I wouldn't know never did go attend that big sex-ed thing over at the gym." The sarcastic physician behind them responded.

"I mean…Why?"

"Well A) some one conceived Cuddy to start a "work out while you work" program B) Carmon been watch to many Ducktails reruns or C) Susan is about to win _big_ on the nurse's pool."

"Well what ever the reason, one of us has to go talk to her before she ends up getting an all expenses paid trip to a padded suite in the east wing." Added Foremen, with that both he and Chase started moving towards the door, but Dr. Cameron pacing had already been put to any end before they reached it… she had collided with Dr. James Wilson.

"Ouch! "

"O my god Allison I'm so sorry let me help you up" The handsome doctor clear perturbed by his accidental collusion quickly proceed to help the young woman to her feet.

"It Ok Wilson you'd think, you had hit me with your car or something." The pairs eye's met for a second as Wilson brought Cameron to her feet, they looked into each others eyes for a only a fraction of second before quickly backing away from each other both of them clearly bothered by something beside their low speed collusion.

"You going in" asked Wilson as he opened the door to and extended a gentlemanly gesture.

"It now or never Allison" Cameron thought to herself while blurting out a quick "thanks" to Wilson for holding the door for her. She braced herself on the doorframe for a moment before forcing herself in too the room. "Hi" Cameron said in an unsuccessful attempt at being casually.

Chase and Foreman stood in front of her with looks of concern in thier eyes.

"Are you ok? We couldn't help, noticing you were wearing out the floor tiles out there"

"Is something wrong?"

Carmon cleared her throat and took a depth breath.

"Well boys… I have an announcement to make"

All eyes where focused on her as has spoke, even House had closed the lid of his gameboy although Carmon couldn't tell if it was because he actually cared or if it was nearly a sign that he had lost his "mighty battle with the great troll king of the forest". She opened her mouth and nervously struggled to bring the words in to being.

'I'm pregnant!" Cameron finally uttered.

"That great" Foremen automatically went in congratulatory mode locking Cameron in celebratory hug before she had a chance to finish her sentence or even realize what was going.

"Ooo! Ooo! Is my cane the daddy" House blurted out loudly, "He told me you where quite rough with him during your late-night fits of passion." Holding his cane up for emphasize.

For once Carmon actually appreciated House's inappropriateness, Chase and Foreman's eyes had instantly turned on to House, and off of her. Wilson was the exception, his abnormally high "House tolerance factor" allowed him to ignore House's outburst and keep his eyes on the newly announced mother-to-be. He only left his gave on her a second longer then the others however, he quickly sensed Carmon need for some mental breathing room and joined the others in staring down House.

Now free of probing eyes, Carmon built up the courage to finish her statements.

"And" the young women started up again, nervously struggling to finish her announcement "well the father is ac..tually in.. this room"

Half the men in the room suddenly become extremely, extremely nervous Robert Chase squired in his seat like a felony awaiting interrogation. Dr. Wilson was equally as nervous as he squirmed in his place, looking more like a boy awaiting scolding then a highly respected oncologist. Dr. House looked towards the ceiling with an expression that would signal concern in any normal person, but in house Cameron assumed it was just him agonizing over which comment would more thoroughly make a mockery of her "good news" asking her if she "had gone black and was never going back"; or if asking she had "let the aussie take a trip to the land down under". Foreman merely looked at chase convinced he already knew the second half of Cameron's announcement.

"Cameron, Listen I'll support what e…"

Doctors Wilson and Chase froze in place as they realized they where speaking in unison. As they stared at each other bewildered, every visible inch was of Dr Alison Cameron was blushed red. Cameron tilled her down in shame for moment before as she continued to speak:

"Both" she the shouted unintentionally, the loudness being a side effect of her nervousness.

"You… are both….um… candidates"

The room fell silent everyone as everyone took a moment to formulate a response, they assumed the audience's turn to speak, but to their surprise, Cameron continued.

"A..Along with a third gentlm…uh.. male in the room." Wilson, and Chase remained frozen in place as Forman spook up "Please… tell me we got really got drunk…slept together and… and that I just don't remember it because if not that… that means"

"YES, folks that right I am the third man, the third mighty explorer to have braved the depth of Mount Cameron,"

Jaws dropped, as house confirmed what seemed like the impossible. Forman took a quick glance at his watch, deeply hoping April 1st had arrived with out his noticing- it hadn't. Carmon kept her eyes focused on House desperate to maintain what little, if any control she had left of the situation. House oblivious to her glare continued to speak "to be honest Paula was get kind of stall so I decided to take the hospital's supply of hot young love out for a spin." Pointing his cane in Cameron's general direction.

Cameron averted her gave disgusted by House comparing her to some hooker he picked up on Campus. Before she could lift her head back up she heard a load sound and felt something smack her straight in the chest, looking down she realized house had dumped a pile of papers in to her hands.

"You have some test to run" House said

"dddidn't you" Cameron started to mumble

"Ya, Ya I heard you baby's daddy, three people. Now run along to the lab"

Carmon unsure how to response threw house an angry glare before walking out of the room like a defeated dog.

The rest of Cameron "candidates" remained silent unsure of what to say, but Forman had enough of House, and jumped out his chair and tore in to House without restraint "Is that how you speak to a women how could be carrying your child, what the hell wrong with you!"

"Hey! we still got a patient to treat here… and besides I did the girl a favor I was going to send you to the lab, but then I figure why not let her share her feelings with the centrifuges again, there're really good listeners." House barked back.

Forman shook his head in disgust and walked out partly to clear his head; partly to stop himself from murdering House. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on, he never thought of Carmen as being the Virgin Mary but he as sure as hell never imagined her as being a candidate for the Maury Show either. What ever was going on the only thing he was sure of was the next nine months where not going to be easy and only God knew if the hospital or for that matter the state of New Jersey would be able to handle it.


	2. 2 Planned Parenthood

Chapter 2: Planned Parenthood

**Authors note:** This took me a long time to update. (college + group project + lousy internet connect+ sick bad) but here it is. I'm trying to keep some kind of balance between humor and drama, I also tried to improve my grammar and spelling but have no clue how well I'm doing at either. Do not have much too say but please leave feedback good or bad.

Allison knew what House was thinking, she knew he would be in his office doing a DDX or playing with his gameboy a grin on his face thinking she was crying over some mis-calibrated centrifuge, "but he would be wrong" Cameron thought to herself. She wasn't crying over a centrifuge… she was crying over a microscope. Looking down the eyepiece she realized just how pitiful this little symbolic act of rebellion was, all she saw was a blur after a few moments of fiddling with the focus dials she finally admitted to herself that the scope was fine and it was her tears that where distorting the image.

She glanced over to the row of centrifuges and sighed she didn't want House to be right but maybe by the time she finished working on them her eyes would have cleared up. She tilted her head back to think for moment. She knew this was petty, not wanting to work the centrifuges because of something House might be thinking, but after the drama that just happened, after thinking of all the drama that she knew was going to happen, she was clinging to any sense of control she could get.

She jumped up a bit in her chair as she heard a knock on the door behind her; a second later, she heard Foreman's voice call her name in a concerned tone. Cameron turned her seat around slowly to face him. Her face was full of tears, it was useless to try to restrain them at this point; the only thing she could hope for at this point was that no one besides Formen would notice.

"Need a shoulder," Foremen asked sincerely.

"No, I'm fine. Haven't you heard it's every little girls dream to be single, have an unplanned pregnancy, not know who the father is and have one of the potentials publicly humiliate you" Cameron responded trying her best to imitate House technique of deflecting personal inquires with humor. She quickly discovered that technique does not work well when the humor is broken up by intermediate sobs.

"Ya, I think I heard they're making a new Barbie doll about that, comes complete with tight wife beater Ken. Sure you don't want to talk Cameron."

Carmon smiled a bit despite the tears running down her face "Don't worry Forman I'll be fine, but I could use some help with some with some of these test"

"Sure what do you need?"

Cameron grinned slightly "could you work the centrifuge for me"

In his office, House and Chase where working on diagnose with their usually fever, Dr Wilson's mind however was clearly not on the diagnose much to House's dismay:

"Wilson. Wilson! Can we rule out paraneoplastic as a factor or not?" House yelled trying to get his friends attention.

"What um ya there are too many symptoms it not paraneoplastic"

"You know Cameron is the one with the parasitic, no reasons for you to be having symptoms," House paused for a moment as he spied the strangely claim Chase sitting on the end of the conference table. "I mean look at Chase he isn't distracted at all, he is as claim as bird perched on a windowsill"

Wilson turned his eyes over to Chase, House was right the handsome intensivist was setting in his chair as claim as he could be. For a second Wilson wondered if he and Chase had heard the same conversation judging by Chase's body language he must have tuned in to the "I just switch my car insurance speech"

"Well I must say your handling this well do you know some thing we don't?" asked Dr. Wilson.

"Well I hate to break it to you guys but this looks like it's a two horse race. It obviously one of you two" Chase answered with a smug, reassured look on his face.

"Why would you say that?", Questioned Wilson

"She said she was on something"

House raised his head up and wisped "a stupid, stupid little bird" as he reached for his Vicodin bottle.

"What" chase asked.

"Where to begin let's start at the end and work are way back shall we" House started

"On _something_, well I am on something right now" House snaked demonstrating the vicodin pill in his figures before popping it in to his mouth, "but I'm pretty sure infractions only effect muscle tissue not sperm flagellum and she _said!. _ I'm so sorry young man, I had you confused for someone else I thought you were this young fellow I had working for me, you might have seen around he is the one" house inhaled for moment before shouting at the top of lungs.

"That should know better by now!"

"What! No Not Cameron. She wouldn't lie." Chase answered back.

"Ya your right, Cameron wouldn't lie; just like she wouldn't have wild promiscuous sex with three of her coworkers, have an unplanned pregnancy, and not know who the father is.

Chase eyes widened and he stood up in his chair as House words started to be processed in his head" His hands went over his face, "Oh God," he thought to himself. House could feel the words come out of his mouth and joined him as they spook in unison

"Everybody lies"

Allison and Foremen were working on their tests diligently, Cameron tears had subsided enough that she didn't have to keep blaming her much slower then average work pace on a faulty condenser. Foreman, spoke up trying to start some conversation.

"I know you don't believe it abortion so guess that means."

"Yes Foreman I'm keeping it. Yes, even if it House's" Cameron interrupted angrily "Do you hate him that much; that even his potential seed should be wiped from the face of the earth." Foremen clinched his teeth, he had been around enough bulging bellies to know he had to pick his next words very, very carefully.

"That not what I meant"

"You can drop the act Foremen ten minutes ago your you were praying we had some dunking one night stand just so House could be eliminated from the list"

"That's not what I said, I mean it just that it's weird you sleeping with three…" Foremen cringed as he stopped himself mid-sentence, but it was too late his foot was already place quite firmly within his mouth.

"So I'm a slut is that what you came here to say, why you don't call the nurse's station you can start a new betting pool on when I'll get my real first STD"

"Oh crap" Foreman thought to himself. He once heard an uncle describe the process of claiming a pregnant woman as "trying to disarm a nuclear explosive in under twenty second with a bad eye your hands tided and have nothing but a set of nail clippers". In Foremen's head he could here the countdown commence "t-minus 20 seconds to pregnancy hormone induced explosion!"

"No that not it at all" Foreman tried to correct himself

"Go ahead Foreman you can be honest it what the rest of the hospital going to say" the countdown continued, "T-minus 15 seconds to hormone induced destruction!"

"Who cares what they think"

"Easy for you to say this isn't some rumors about your juvee report" 10 seconds "or about Chase being in to finely made Australian bullwhips. There is a pretty big difference…" 5 seconds

"Ya ,I won't get any thing out of my rumors". Foremen's left hand was raised, as he readied himself to be hit by some random piece of lab equipment.

"What do you mean?" Cameron answered. Much to Forman surprise, his last statement actually seemed to calm Cameron "3...2…detonation sequence delayed"

"Well my employment here aside not much good is going to come out of my juvee report, you on the other hand are going to have a little human being you created to hold in your arms. Let them talk all they want now, you the one who is going to have the last laugh, you going to have a baby in your arms, the best they'll have is some twenty they one in some bet"

Cameron slowly started break a smile, Forman quietly let out a sigh of relief. "explosive disarmed, crisis averted"

Feeling a bit bold Foreman decided to go for some humor, "and hey I robbed a car; you had a week of great sex who really made the bigger mistake here." Carmon chuckled "I got to run but if you need me for any thing; someone to talk to too; someone to help you hide a certain cripples corpus if you need to, you know where to find me".

In House's office, the situations had become quickly reversed Wilson had managed to compose himself; but Chase's mind was far too busy alternating between apocalyptic visions of his future and self berating commentary, to work on the differential.

"I don't know" House spoke with out anyone having asked a question.

"To Chase's question "How could I be so stupid" I don't know how you could so be so stupid, so why don't we get back to the differential"

Chase ignored House's comments. While Wilson decided Chase might benefit from a more reassuring approached. "Well we still don't know what she is going to do Chase, she might not keep it" House and Chase merely stared at the oncologist. "You right who are we kidding she is probably the only pro-life atheist in the state of New Jersey."

"Yes, Yes we know Cameron is just one big paradox, you know what else is a paradox how our patients blood is both clotting and thinning" House stated as he underlined the symptoms on the white board.

"Well since I don't see the two of you jumping to your own defenses I am assuming I'm not only one who forget the rubbers am I?" Chase snaked.

Wilson squirmed in place a hand in each pocket of his lab coat. "Well I had some brandy and…" Wilson moved one of his hands to the side of his pants, he paused mid sentence and taped his pants pocket "Wait a second" Dr. Wilson pulled out his wallet and started to rummage through it at a blistering pace.

"What are you doing, you going to try to bribe the fetus out of Cameron's uterus?" House asked.

"No, No the condoms the pharmacy rep gave me, the ones with the antibiotics built in." Wilson final pulled out an opened foil packet.

"You keep your used condom wrappers in your wallet that's kind creepy," House noted.

"Never mind that, I haven't been with any one else since I got these, I must have used it with Cameron." Wilson jubilation was cut short as he heard his pager go off "well I have to go". Wilson then moved out of the room dropping the foil wrapper on the ground in his haste.

"Will it looks like it just you and me now" Chase noted

House gave no reply and merely eyed the foil wrapper on the ground, before taking a few hobbled steps towards it and careful bending down to pick it from the ground. After taking a moment to read the letters on the package, he turned to Chase and spoke.

"Or maybe not"

After dealing with his page, Dr. Wilson headed back to his office to get some lunch, opening the door of his office he found House seated in his chair rapidly making short work of the stack of sliver dollar pancakes in front of him "well I did want to talk to you" Wilson said.

"Me first" House responded, "read this" House handed Wilson a stack of papers.

Wilson faced turned pale as he read the pages, "the so called revolutionary antibiotic condom was in fact a massive failure the antibiotic coating greatly reduce the products effectiveness in preventing unwanted pregnancy. Hospitals across the nation are now joining in a muti-million dollar suit against the manufacture for"

"God damn it, I know, I know never trust a pharmacy rep." Wilson moved around slightly "here I am think I was protected turns out I practically laid out a red copy for the little buggers"

"Red on pink kind of a gaudy color scheme don't you think?" House commented.

Wilson sighed and started to rummage through the back of one of his cabinets. After a few moments, he pulled out a bottle of scotch and a plastic container full of sliver dollar pancakes.

"What I was going to say, House that I want you"

"Wait a minute where did that come from." House interrupted.

"The scotch well with Julia's lawyer has been calling my office a lot and"

"Not the scotch, the pancakes if I'm eating them then how"

"O…You see having figured out you could never just ask me to make you some I've gotten in the habit of creating decoy meals for your robbing pleasure."

"Aw honey you always think of me" House responded. "I love the little warning note you made up today" House held up a small yellow cube of paper and started to read "Beware: he who doth break the seal of the sliver dollar; for 2 hours of clinic duty be cast upon him" even went the extra mile of forging Cuddy's signature. nice touch." Wilson grinned evilly and as though bound by fate Cuddy appeared.

"It isn't fake House" Cuddy stood in the doorway smiling "now, head down and face your punishment"

House turned to face Wilson "We had a pact, Wilson. You promised no Cuddy-o-logical warfare, this is a war crime my friend"

"Ya, Ya you can report him to the UN after you do your clinic hours."

"I already did my clinics hours"

"You agreed to do more; you broke the seal of the pancakes"

"What? You can't hold me to that!"

After several minutes of bickering, House caved and started to hobble his way to the clinic. He couldn't believe he was letting cuddy win since when has a post-it-note been considered a "legally binding contract"?

On his way out Wilson noted a legal pad in House hand. It looked like he was writing about a patient in between his gluttony and thievery. He noticed a few of the phrase scribbled on it: "pregnancy", "personality change" and "scratches?" For a moment, Wilson thought he saw the name Cameron scribbled across the top, but he figured it was his just his imagination there. There was no reason for House to be treating Cameron. Was there?

House reached the clinic, entered exam room one and found a couple and their child waiting within.

"Are sure this guy knows what he is doing?" He hears the wife whisper to her husband.

"My wife is just a little concerned about brining our kid to a free clinic, but you're completely qualified right?"

"Well to be honest I am only here right now because of a piece of paper I found in my lunch box this morning, now tell your daughter to open up and say awww."

As much as House wanted to avoid the clinic, he did need something from it and now was his chance. After dealing with the patients, he went to the reception desk.

"Give me list of all the patients scheduled to come in here tomorrow." The nurse handed House the list. Looking up and down the roll, Dr. House picked out a few names and grabbed there files before trying to make his way to the door.

"What are you doing, House"

House cursed himself as he heard Cuddy's voice behind him. "O these I just figured my department could use a few more cases, want to make sure your getting your moneys worth"

"Right…since you didn't have a believable lie ready to go, it is safe to assume you didn't think I'd find out about what ever it is your doing to until afterwards."

"Your right, so why ruin the surprise …I going home" Cuddy gave House a piercing glare as he hobbled his way out the door.

House was plotting something and she knew it Cuddy turned and picked up the nearest phone "Ya…Legal I just talked to House, we are on yellow alert." Cuddy let out a sigh as she heard the legal team discuss house in the special code they design especially for House related cases.

"Madman is in the lab; I repeat madman is in the lab"

**Another note:** I wanted to give some reasonable explanation as to why the three men would put themselves in this situation in regards to conception being involved (other then just using the old stand by of saying no contraception is foolproof and being done with it). I plan to have some more flesh out descriptioned of each guy night with Cameron but for now this establishes Chase as your typical crotch-brined male and poor Wilson is a victim of some greed pharmaceutics company and House you'll have too wait and see…


	3. 3 Morning After A

Chapter 3

Morning After Part A

**Rating:** M for some sexual references (part A) and one curse word used for emphasize (part B)

**Author's note**: First off, this got rather long so I divided the chapter into two parts.

Secondly, "Let sleeping dogs lie" kind of ruined the believability of Foreman consoling Cameron thing in the pervious chapter (I was using him call her a friend in love hurt as my justification for that stuff) O well. Lastly, I really I'm trying to improve my grammar but it a weak point and I know it. Any non-flame type feed back is appreciated

**Disclaimer:** If I owed House. I wouldn't be in a cheap state college would I?

Dr. House was in his office waiting for the rest of his team to arrive, he had been the first one in on this morning, a clear sign that Cuddy was right; House was up to something. Chase and Foremen walked in together clearly oblivious to their boss's early arrival.

"You know what I think House's problem is? The pricing on the hooker market must have gone up; he's pissed he can't get the five dollar special anymore." Foremen told Chase as he walked to the coffee maker.

"No, I think House's problem is… He's Here!" Chase shouted, finally noticing House sitting in a chair observing the two of them.

"What do you mean… He's Here!" Foremen gasped as he made the same observation his colleague made a second earlier.

"Good morning, gentleman" House said, in his best evil super villain voice, spinning his cane slightly as he spoke. The two ducklings secretly admitted to themselves that House did look a little bit scary, submersed in the shadows of the closed blinds behind him

"So why are you here so early? Do we have some super mysterious case we need to solve?"

"Oh I have a fun day planed for us, as soon as Cameron gets here, but while we are waiting I need a consult" House hobbled over to the whiteboard. "Yesterday, I found a brand new STD. It presents with an inability to do a proper differential diagnoses, so far, Dr. Cameron is patient zero and the infection has spread to Dr. Wilson and Dr. Chase. Hmm… all doctors you think maybe we've discovered the first very first nosocomial STD."

Chase smirked slightly "very funny".

Foreman, remained completely unphased, but after a moment decided to comment. "You know something, House there are a lot of things that could be said about your behavior, about how you treated Cameron yesterday, but I'm not going to say anything. You know why? I had a nice discussion with Cameron yesterday. As I'm sure you know, different women respond differently to pregnancy. For some women they are never as happy and cheery as when they have that pregnancy glow." Foreman closed the gap between him and House and was now standing directly in front of House grinning evilly. "And I can safely tell you that Cameron is **_not_**! One of those women" Foremen said as he shook his head for emphasize. "And it may not happen right away, but eventually Cameron's hormones and your comments are going to collide and I just hope I'm there to see it because the fireworks display will be spectacular." It was at this point that Dr. Cameron walked into the office.

"Well speak of the pregnant she-devil and the pregnant she-devil shall appear." Was House's only greeting to the young immunologist. Cameron walked to the coffee pot and let out a sigh as she saw House's STD diagram out of a corner of her eye. Pouring herself a cup Cameron, spoke "Hey, guys I got a question."

"What now? Chase wondered to himself, after yesterday's fiasco he half expected Cameron to tell the group she had the four horsemen scheduled for a visit and needed someone to do a consult. They couldn't be expected to bring the apocalypse with runny noises, now could they?

"I'm selling my car; know of anyone who's buying?"

House put on a fake expression of being impressed, before speaking. "Wow… you guys see what she doing don't you?" House pointed to each of the ducklings as he spoke "After the nuclear bombshell she dropped on us yesterday, she trying to diffuse the situation by announcing something mild and trivial. It's…. clever"

House walked over to his desk as, Cameron gave the car's details to Foreman and Chase. Picking up the files he took from the clinic yesterday, House dropped the stack on the table. The three ducklings stopped conversing and looked at the stack of files in front of them.

"What are those?" asked Cameron

"Our playtime activity for today" answered House "but first you have to go to the principle's office, young lady" House handed Cameron a memo asking her to go to Cuddy's office at her earliest convenience.

Cameron was standing in front of Cuddy's desk trying to think of her response to the topic she knew was inevitably going to come up.

Cuddy looked up and spoke, "OK, Cameron what did House do this time?"

"Nothing" Cameron muttered, mentally she added the footnote "except _me_"

"Now Cameron, I get you have a thing for House and may not want to turn him in but… I took a trip by the nurse's station today and well… I'll be blunt the only other institution in the state of New Jersey that has that much gambling money following through it is in Atlantic City! Since you and House's names showed up on most of those bets, I really rather find out what going on now rather then later… spill it Cameron!

Cameron squirmed for a moment and decided "spilling it" would be the easiest way to handle this. "Like a band-aid" she thought to herself as she let the words out.

"I'm pregnant"

Cuddy threw a friendly smile at Cameron "That great, but I don't know what that has to do with Dr. Hou…o…se" Cuddy froze in place as the realization dawned on her. Her mind reeled as two distinct possibility formulated in her mind. On one hand, she always wanted House to be more like the rest of the human race. Why knows? Maybe having a child would soften him up a bit. Maybe one day she could hire a legal team that didn't need to be on prescription headache meds. The other side of her mind however, was busy with a much more ominous possibility. Soon there might be two Houses running around the universal. Pretty soon, there. could. be. two. Houses. running. around. her. hospital. The second thought create a rather strange site, a Lisa Cuddy complete and totally at a loss for words.

"It might not be him" Cuddy's expression changed slightly "… it could be Dr. Wilson… or Dr. Chase"

"I…see" Dr. Cuddy, unlike what House would do in her place, wisely decided to resist the urge to ask Cameron if she was trying to sleep with the entire hospital. She continued to stare at Cameron as thou she expected her to continue.

Cameron quietly answered, "That's it" to the unasked question

"Of course" Cuddy snapped out of her trance and immediately went in to professional mode. She quickly started rambling off stuff about maternity leave, accommodations, and the hospital daycare center.

"Well if you need anything, you got all the numbers and by the way, I hear Dr. Henderson down in maternity has started a free library you might want to check it out." Cuddy sighed in relief as Cameron left her office, she decided to call legal if nothing else this new piece of information would explain why Dr. Wilson went to them, livid over a bunch of defected rubbers.

"What do you mean you already know?" Cuddy asked as she heard the voice on the other end talking "We've been talking about it all day, here let me put you on speaker" Cuddy could hear several voice talking.

"I got twenty on boy wonder (Wilson)"

"I still think it madman."

"You know what I don't think it is any of them I think it bulldog (Foremen)"

"Could you please save your illegal gambling for another time?" Cuddy braked over the line.

"Ok everyone grim up mother-hen is upset."

Dr. Cameron returned to House's office after her rather uncomfortable meeting, with Cuddy

"You were better off in Cuddy's office, House here has us confused for slave labor," Chase said.

"We are not breaking into that many houses, we don't even have medical justification to do this, these people have colds. I don't known if you're planning a career change to bank robbery but practice on your on time." Foremen added.

"OK, fine Foremen, you don't have to do it then." House responded "I'll only send the white folks here to do it. Wouldn't want to be accused of suppressing the Blackman.

"But Foremen is the one who knows how to do that stuff" Chase protested, Foreman rolled his eyes.

"and these people houses are all over town. We will be doing break-ins all day," added Cameron

"Will you two better get going then"

"Ok what are we looking for then?" asked Chase

"Anything" House responded

"Thanks for the crystal clear directions boss" Chase responded as he and Cameron walked out the door.

"You think this is even a patient's house?" Cameron asked as they pulled up to the address listed in their medical file "We are over two hours away from the hospital there is no way we have the closest free clinic" Chase pondered the question for a moment "Maybe another ex-girlfriend he wants us to play peeping-tom with? Let's just get it over with"

Chase and Cameron rummaged the women's house trying to find some sign of "anything". They eventually reached the bedroom and Chase started rummaging through the women's closet "Hey…Cameron, either House has a really hot ex-girlfriend or I just figured out why she going to a doctor two hours away from were she lives" Chase pulled a stack of pornographic DVD's from the closet, all of them featuring their patient on the cover.

"Somebody is ashamed of their profession." Chase noted as he started to place the DVD cases into his bag. Cameron eyed Chase suspiciously. "What?" Chased asked innocently.

"You know most people have found more high-tech way to steal pornography." Cameron glanced at the titles in the bag. "_Anal Invaders 35_ I didn't know you were into that Chase"

"I'm not…I'm taking them back to House"

"I didn't know House was into that"

Cameron continued to read out the titles in the bag "Anal Addict 38, Anal Assault 5, Anal Amusement 4, Anal Attack… Boy, porn directors sure like alliteration"

"Maybe House is trying to recommend you a new contraception method" Chase joked, trying to hide the fact that his face was turning a slight red.

"Come on Chase, we got what we need, let's go break into the next guys house"

Back in Princeton Plainsboro, Dr. Wilson had finally managed to corner House in his office. "House you busy?…what I was going to say yesterday was"

"What you were going to do yesterday was apologize for a crime you couldn't be sure you even committed… but go on." House replied

"Ok…What I was going to say was if I knew you and Cameron had a thing I would have never."

"First off we don't have a thing. Secondly, how do you know you slept with Cameron after I did? For all you know I could be the one that is risking our friendship for a nice bit of fuzz" House replied.

"You wouldn't dare the meal privileges alone will keep you in check."

"Well, you are right about that. After all your pancakes alone come in so many different flavors, while Cameron, she only comes in one sickeningly sweet one." House reached under his desk "and by the way you need new Tupperware" House threw a Tupperware box at Wilson. The bottom of the box was cut open cleverly avoiding opening the top, which included today's Cuddy sponsored warning note.

"Touché" Wilson remarked.

House got out of his seat and started to move towards the door.

"Wait…are we ok?" Asked Wilson

"Ya we're ok, our friendship is still tight" House eyes moved as though the gears in his mind were struggling to finish his thoughts "about as tight as the little pink slabs of meat that got us into this mess"

Wilson thought about House's last comment, as he watched House hobble his way out the door. Wilson had a theory about House, he believed that there was actually a kind of restrained art to being such unrestrained jackass; of course, anyone who he told this theory to wrote it off as a sign of Stockholm. "Slabs of meat" Wilson thought to himself had House said "little pink slices of heaven" or "the pink velvet vice" or some other more eloquent synonym for Cameron's vagina. It would have been typical House, but his choice words, so devoid of wit, the unnecessary crude vulgarity of it. Wilson was positive now, as much as none would believe it, as much as House wouldn't admit it. Wilson knew it; House was starting to crack ever so slightly.


	4. 3 Morning After B

Chapter 3

Morning After

Part B

**Disclaimer: **I didn't own House when the chapter started why would I own it now.

After a long drive, Cameron and Chase had reached the second home on House's list. The individual had left the front door unlock making the task of entering exceedingly simple, "You know maybe Foreman was on to something when he broke into the Felkers' place I mean why not get paid directly for all our breaking and entering."

"Come on Chase let just get this over with, you take the kitchen I'll take the living room"

Cameron walked into the living room and spied the liquor cabinet in the corner of the room. As she fished through the cabinet trying to find something relevant, her mind went back to the day she found out she was pregnant.

It was a Saturday and she stood in the middle of her bathroom stunned, looking down the at the indicator strip. It was amazing how the mind worked: she knew what the stick would say; she hadn't had her period; she knew what she had done; she hated herself for doing it; she couldn't look at herself in the mirror because of it; and still it wasn't till she saw the pregnant indicator on her EPT that the reality of everything dawned on her. She stumbled over, sat on top of the toilet, and began to cry. She didn't know how long she was in tears before composing her self all she knew was it was night when she stopped and she was pretty sure it was still day when she had started. After crossing suicide off this list of possible ways she could handle the situation she had gotten herself into; she started walking over to the couch so she could grab a book and read. Along the way she spied the small collection of liquor she kept in her apartment for guests and special occasions. She cursed to herself, one of the few time in her life when she could really use a drink and it was the one time she absolutely couldn't have one. She decided to dump the entire collection, rather then risk temptation.

"Cameron, Cameron" Chase's voice suddenly drew Cameron back into the present. "You ready to check the upstairs" Cameron nodded as she closed the liquor cabinet in front of her. Quietly she thought to her self "Mother nature is a bitch"

After a few minutes they had finished and were ready to leave. Chase looked out the window and shouted "Oh crap it's the cops. Out the back!" Cameron and chased hopped the fence in the backyard and ran into the street.

"What type of idiot sends a pregnant woman to run from the cops anyway?" asked Cameron as they ducked out of view of the authorities.

"What type of idiot sleeps with that idiot?"

"Now is not the time Chase!"

House was walking back from the bathroom, when he heard the one voice he was trying to avoid.

"House, we need to talk." For the briefest of moments House actually considered volunteering for clinic duty, if it meant he could avoid the topic he knew was coming. "What is going on with you and Cameron? Is it yours? Is it Wilson's? Is it Wilson's When is Cameron going to do the amniocentesis? Why is half of your team not here?"

"Why? Cuddy isn't it your policy to not get involved in your employees personal lives." House kept walking down the hall as Cuddy responded.

"When it comes to you Dr. House your lucky I haven't hired 24 hour surveillance teams and it is also my policy to do everything I can to make the hospital run smoothly. Now I want to believe that if the kid is yours, you could act like most normal people and not do something crazy or insane or damaging to this hospital and just maybe enjoy the blessing"

"Well I'm sorry but unlike most normal people it doesn't take me nine mouths to find a new way to stroke my ego."

"Wait a second; I have to hear this one. Parents? All those kind, caring people devoting their lives to aiding the growth of an individual other then themselves, they are the egomaniacs?"

"Yes, ignoring the highly disturbing fact that a bunch of people who aren't even qualified to run there own lives one day suddenly decide they are capable of running someone else's. You're wrong"

House stopped, took a quick glance around, and picked up a magazine from a nearby waiting room rack. House demonstrated a picture of the newest celebrity parents on the cover before he opened the magazine and started reading excerpts from the article.

"She is like a little **me**….a beautiful little version of **myself**...every parent wants their kid to be a better version of **themselves**. These people don't want to help another individual they just want a vicarious second chance at not messing up their own lives."

"Whatever House, why isn't any of your team here"

"Well one of my team is here"

"And let me guess that one person isn't Cameron" Cuddy interrupted "you know House ignoring the elephant in the room or in this case womb, is not going to make it disappear."

House merely walked away quietly.

Cameron and Chase were finally reaching the last house of the day, as they pulled up they noticed the lights were still on.

'Ok can't break-in let's go back to…" Chase's cell phone interrupted him, he slowly lifted the phone "Please, let it be anyone but House" and looked at the caller id, it was House.

"You on your way to the last guys place?"

"Ya were already here, but the lights are still…"

"He should be gone in a minute"

'What do you mean…" Chase eyes widened as he saw the house lights go dim and the home's occupant walk out the door and to his car. The timing of House's call was so perfect it made him think, maybe the nuns were right all those years may be there was a personal God with a sense of humor and everything, although, he could not imagine any reason why he would align himself with House.

"I take it that, the odd silence means I was right"

"How did you known?"

"Patient said he had "a weird little night job" I'll be here waiting when your done"

After waiting a few moments to make sure the coast was truly clear, Chase and Cameron started their assignment. Chase started to fumble with the door trying vainly to imitate some trick he saw Foreman do once. Cameron leaned against the exterior wall, her frustration at the day increasing as she saw Chase's failed attempt at breaking and entering. In the last two days alone she had been publicly humiliated; embarrassed; was in the middle of an apparent wild goose chase; been the topic or endless rumors; helped nurse gambling additions across the hospital; was almost arrested by the cops; been called in to her boss office like a child and…and. All of a sudden, she felt something inside her snap.

"Out of the way, wombat boy!" Cameron, shoved Chase aside and kicked the door open herself. "I feel better.

Watching the door swing on it hings, Chase stood with his mouth hanging open, both impressed and scared at Cameron's forwardness "Been working out?"

"Come on lets get this over with" she let Chase walk in front of her and begin searching the house. Looking at the door she had just bashed in, Cameron felt a tingle of guilt. After slipping on a set of gloves, she took out her wallet and left some money for the owner to fix the damage.

The pair made short work of first floor of the home and went upstairs, Chase looked intently at Cameron as she moved through the patient's bathroom, when he saw her walk out he built up the nerve to speak.

"So when you said you were on something that night you meant what exactly? That you were on meth again."

"Not now Chase."

"Why not? I think I deserve some answers. You come knocking on my apartment door one night and with out as much as saying hello you jump me; slam me on the couch. I somehow mange to blurt a question about contraception, which you lied about! I try to get you off of me and you rip my cloths apart and less then ten minutes after you arrived at my doorstep you're completely gone and I'm lying on my couch naked wondering what in the fucking hell just happened"

"Believe me Chase that whole quick finishing thing not my fault."

"This isn't funny Cameron! Chase barked angrily "Yesterday you come in tell me I might be a father and that you've apparently slept with our entire department." Chase moved closer "or is that just all the men you were will to admit sleeping with, are there others hidden off somewhere"

"Back off Chase" barked Cameron. The two started at each other angrily before Chase spoke up "Fine, I'll look at the nightstands, you check the closet"

Chase turned to the nightstand, as look through it he could hear Cameron open the closet door and pick something out of it.

"Hey, Chase check this out" he heard from behind him.

"What?" Chase turned his head "Ahh" he jumped back as he saw Cameron holding a rather large shotgun in her hands. Chase let out a sound that did in fact resemble that of a scared wombat, as he fell in to the bed. "Oh God Cameron please don't kill me!"

Cameron seemed confuse for a moment before she spoke

"O...this I can see, how this could be misconstrued."

S…So…So you're not going to kill me?

"No Chase, I'm not going to kill you look at this" Cameron took a single step to the side reveling a small arsenal of firearms in their patient's closet. Chase composed himself and walked to the closet.

"Looks like our patent's "weird little night job" is being part of some weird little militia group." Cameron noted.

Chase bended down and opened a small barrel, "and look at this, homemade gun powder. Could have heavy metals or toxic chemicals in it I think that counts as something" Chase started to take a sample as Cameron talked to him.

"Did you really think I was going to kill you Chase? I mean I know I'm starting to get hormonal but I haven't even had my first bout of morning sick…." Cameron suddenly stopped speaking and ran into the bathroom.

Chase looked out the window in to the early night sky, as he very nervously held back Cameron hair as she vomited. "_Morning_ sickness, they really need to fix that misnomer" Chase thought to himself. Cameron never believed in God, but as she felt the contents of her stomach empting, she wondered if whatever higher order did govern the universe (and at this point, the most likely candidate appeared to be Murphy's Law) didn't have a twisted sense of humor.

"Are you done" Chase asked

"You rather I throw up in your car" asked Cameron as she looked up at Chase.

"We just broke in to the house of militia member with enough guns in his closet to stock a small army. What do you think?" After thinking for a second, Cameron and Chase both ran very quickly out of the house.

The car ride back was full of awkward silence, they were only a few blocks from the hospital but the tension was getting to Chase. He tried to break the silence "So Cameron" Cameron ignored Chase. Chase thought for a second of something, anything he could say to break the silence. He eventually blurted out the first thought that entered his mind.

"You didn't really do any kinky things with House's cane. Did you?"

Cameron chuckled slightly, but she made sure to hide it from Chase. After a few minutes, they reached the parking lot of the hospital. The two got out of the car; Chase made a straight line to the hospital, Cameron put her hands on top of the car and watched Chase walk away.

"Chase wait" Chase turned around and looked at Cameron. "Your right you deserve an explanation" Cameron's eyes were becoming watery, Chase told her to go on.

"A week or two before I went to your apartment, I went up to my sister place and…and while I was there."

Chase could see the tears about to explode out of Cameron's eyes, the moonlight struck Cameron's face for a moment and old painful wounds opened inside Chase, as much as he wanted answers he couldn't get them this way.

"Cameron I was out of line when I asked you before… just tell me when ever you're ready. Let go take the stuff to House"

House was in his office waiting for his ducklings to return. Wilson entered the room "Hey, House"

"I already told you this morning we're cool. Really I'm happy you got some."

Wilson looked around the room a bit "No it's not that forecast says there going to be heavy rain. I am leaving so if you don't want to ride your bike in the rain.

"I'll take my chances" House replied "You looking for something"

"Nay… I just think I'm forgetting something, probably not important see ya House."

A few minutes passed before Chase and Cameron arrived.

Chase bolted in front of House desk and rattled off his report as fast as he could "we found some gun powder in the last guy's house nothing in the second; and some…look for yourself stuff in the first house can we go home now."

"Yes. Dr. Chase you can go home."

Chase ran out the door, Cameron was ready to follow but she knew the second she heard House say you in the singular form that she was going to be stopped "Cameron wait" she heard, right on que.

"Could you fill this out for me"

"Can't it wait?"

"Please" House asked in an unusually soft and sincere tone "It will only take ten minutes"

Cameron was tired but the unusually sincere tone of House's voice peaked her interest enough for her to accept. She sat down and began to work "You know House if this is your plan, to exhaust me till I miscarriage it's not going to work"

"No, I really appreciate all your hard work today Cameron. Let me make it up to you, House started to heat up some water. Wilson bought this organic green tea thing let me make you a cup. After a few moments, she heard a ding and saw House pass her a cup, "Thanks" she said surprised at House's generosity.

House watched her take a sip with extreme intensity. "It's good," Cameron said as she let out a big yawn.

"You known if you're tired you can just sleep here tonight"

"No I'm…fine" Cameron let out another yawn before she took another sip of tea.

"You sure the chairs are really comfy"

"Well…I am reaaly ssslee" Cameron started to fall off her chair House grabbed her and placed her back into the chair.

House left the unconscious immunologist and went in to the hall, a few moments later; he returned wheeling in a gurney. He went over to the chair and pick up Cameron's body as carefully as he could, being careful to avoid putting undue pressure on his bad leg. He placed Cameron's body gentle on the gurney.

"Time to figure out what wrong with you Cameron." House moved for his hands over Cameron stomach and gently creased the area

"Don't worry little guy, can't have you growing in a defective incubator. We are going to make mommy all better, I promise."


End file.
